Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
