Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
