It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
