Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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