I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I checked into jail on foursquare
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
