I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
last night I used snow as a chaser
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
