She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
you never un-have a 4some
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
