You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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