You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
