So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
