I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
