I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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