Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
