God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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