Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
