I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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