sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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