i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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