I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
