I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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