Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
