I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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