He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Be still, my beating vagina.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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