Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
