I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
