so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
