We got so high we made milksteak
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
