The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
