just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
