Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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