I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
