Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
