can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
