You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
