Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
