my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
