Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
