Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize