if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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