Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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