so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
