i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
