i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize