the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
