Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
