so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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