Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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