Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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