Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
