He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
