You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My vagina is officially offended.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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