I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
