The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
