K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
