She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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