Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
