Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
its not stalking. its research.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
