Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
