I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
