I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
