census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
