today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
