I just saw a hot homeless man
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
