I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
