Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
