went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
